Self-management: How to skillfully set limits
tip no. 1: Always answer two questions
Before you rush into making a commitment, always answer two simple questions for yourself:
- Be able you take on the extra task?
- Want you accept this?
The answer to the first question will show you whether you are technically able and, moreover, whether you have the time to do a colleague or employee a favor. The answer to the second question is related to your goals and priorities.
The professional competence is usually given, because otherwise you would not be asked. When it comes to the second aspect – your time – things get a little more difficult. Because a promise automatically has consequences. You have to put your own work on hold, possibly also postpone appointments. It is therefore always your right to refuse something. It has nothing to do with not wanting to help.
On the contrary: You know your tasks and have to assess very carefully whether any of them can be postponed. And finally, your own priorities can also lead you to reject a request that has been made, which means that you have to draw clear boundaries.
tip no. 2: Being collegial does not mean doing the work for others
Unfortunately, there are quite a number of people who want to cheat their way through life at the expense of others. They are then quick to take advantage of your helpfulness and good nature. This is wrapped up in such harmless requests as “Can you just finish that?” or “Could you do that, I have to go to an important meeting?”
So that there are no misunderstandings: Of course you should help when there is a need. But you should check that carefully. A no, for example, depends on the previous type of cooperation. If your colleague is in trouble through no fault of her own, because an order may depend on it, you should only refuse to help if you yourself have time problems and are definitely unable to help.
If, on the other hand, the bottleneck is your own fault because your colleague has been dawdling for so long that the air is now burning because she always works at the last minute, then you should not help out. And not even if you could. Because your colleague should not develop a habit of relying on your good nature. Conclusion: With misunderstood willingness to help you only burden yourself.
tip no. 3: Rejection made easy
If you often succumb to the helper syndrome, then you have the feeling – often wrongly – of being needed. But not being able to say no and losing sight of your own concerns leads to stress. Therefore, learn to refuse a request with a clear no. Because the work you can handle is limited. So the more you help others, the less you can realize yourself.
Refer other colleagues to your projects, which also cannot be postponed, or offer alternatives: “Unfortunately, that’s not possible at the moment, let’s talk on the phone about it later”. Then, in a friendly but firm manner, explain why you will not take on a task. If you find it difficult to refuse at first, think of a standard answer that will save you time. (“I have to ask my calendar first if that’s possible, I’ll get back to you later”). This will prevent you from falling into the habitual trap of automatically saying yes.